dementor
by el dinosaurio
Summary: Neville doesn't take well to the Dementors. With his past and luck, it's to be expected.


Third year, the train ride wasn't like it had ever been. Neville remembered dark, floating figures wrapped in ripped cloth patrolling the corridors of the train, sucking at the air and everyone's joy.

He felt very, very cold whenever they would pass by his compartment, and saw snatches of the terrible times throughout his life. He remembered that Harry fainted when one came too close to him. Neville could understand why Harry fainted. With a past like Harry's, it would make anyone faint to relive it.

The figures—Dementors, as he learned they were called—patrolled the school grounds to protect its students from Sirius Black, the escaped murderer, should he decide to come skulking about.

Neville didn't take well to the Dementors. Cold swept through him every time he passed them on school grounds.

Once, he got particularly close to a Dementor on the way to class and a great shudder ran through him.

"_He'll never be a great wizard," Gran lamented to his great uncle Algie after Neville had returned from his first year at Hogwarts. "He'll never be anywhere near his father's ability."_

_Neville was just outside the door to the kitchen, about to enter when he heard his Gran talking. He looked down at his feet. His marks must have come in. He knew he was almost a Squib, but to hear Gran admit that he wasn't all that she wanted him to be still struck a chord deep within him._

He leant over, hands on knees, breathing hard. He felt incredibly dizzy and suddenly like he was going to be sick. Sweat dripped down his nose onto the ground in front of him.

"Potion go wrong again, Longbottom?" Draco sneered as he walked past Neville.

"Yes," Neville gasped out. He didn't want to give the real reason, not when Malfoy already took the piss about his magical abilities enough already and it was believable enough. He heard what Malfoy said about Harry when he'd fainted on the train because of Dementors.

Steadying himself as much as he could, Neville made his way to Madame Pomfrey.

* * *

Again, a Dementor drifted a little too close, but not as close as the first time, to Neville and suddenly his head is filled with Snape.

Snape berating him in first year. Snape throwing him disapproving glares. Snape Snape Snape.

He tried to picture Snape in Gran's clothes, like Professor Lupin told him to during the boggart lesson, but he just couldn't. He felt sick again, not as bad as the last time one got too close, but almost. He gathered himself, still feeling a bit cold and sick and continued on to his next class.

It wouldn't do to miss again, not if he wanted to bring home decent marks. He thought of Gran, and the first memory the Dementor had forced him to relive.

_Never be anywhere near his father's ability_, Gran's voice echoed in his head.

Neville went to his last class wondering whether Dementor effects lasted this long and if he was going to be slowly driven to insanity. And it wasn't as if he could tell his friends about it. His memories weren't interesting or good. Not like Harry's were.

* * *

On the worst occasion, Neville almost ran headlong into a Dementor while rushing to Care of Magical Creatures. He tried to stop quickly and tripped at the last moment. Hastily standing up and about to move away, the Dementor drifted toward him. Its hands reaching towards Neville's face as if saying _you're such a sad little boy._ It gently took Neville's face in its hands and he shuddered hard under the Dementor's power.

He felt very cold and very sad and a memory exploded into vision.

_There were loud bangs coming from downstairs. "Death Eaters," Frank Longbottom breathed to his wife. "I'll hold them off, you hid Neville."_

_Alice nodded, clutching her son tighter to her chest._

_Frank gave his wife a quick kiss and gently stroked Neville's cheek, murmuring an "I love you" to the both of them before creeping downstairs._

_Neville watched his father's retreating back with slight confusion, having no idea what was happening. He looked up at his mother, who was trying her best to look composed._

_Quickly and quietly, Alice carried Neville into the bedroom. "We're going to play a new game, Neville darling. You know how much we love to play games." Her voice was quiet and as soothing as she could make it._

_Neville nodded. He did know how much he and his parents loved to play together._

"_It's called hide-and-seek," Alice said, opening the closet. "Hide here. Be as quiet as you can. Don't come out until Daddy and I find you, okay?"_

_Neville nodded again._

_Alice hugged Neville close to herself. "I love you, Neville darling."_

_Neville tightened his arms around his mother's neck slightly._

_Suppressing a small sob, Alice set Neville down on an old hat box in the closet. The sound of crashes and the unmistakable voice of Bellatrix Lestrange drifted up the stairs, causing Alice to turn her head to the noise for a moment. Turning back, she kissed the top of his head and whispered, "Be good."_

_Neville reached for her as she shut the closet door gently. He heard her retreating footsteps, going to join her husband._

_The air in the closet was still, the only sound was Neville's soft breathing. Suddenly, he heard Bellatrix exclaim, "How dare you think you can defy the Dark Lord!" Then, "Crucio!" His mother screamed loudly, soon joined by his father. Neville whimpered quietly, wanting to go down to help his parents but he didn't want to disobey his mother. _

_The screaming stopped and Bellatrix asked, "Where is the Dark Lord?"_

"_I don't know," Frank said._

"_Oh, you don't?" Bellatrix asked, a note of malice coloring her voice. "Maybe this will jog your memory!" Again, she yelled "Crucio!" And the screams of his parents filled the air. Again and again, it happened. The woman would demand information, and sometimes a man would say something, and his parents wouldn't say anything they wanted and then his parents would scream._

_Neville covered his ears, trying to block out his parents' screams._

_They sounded like they were in terrible pain and he wanted to go to them but again, he didn't want to disobey his mum._

_His parents' torture seemed to go on forever. Their attackers must have decided their efforts were useless and they left, the door slamming shut behind them._

_Neville waited for his mum or dad to come get him, but neither came. He waited, his diaper becoming uncomfortable and a bit smelly. He became more and more agitated and uncomfortable as he waited and waited. Finally, he was unable to control himself and he started to wail. His diaper was unbearably uncomfortable and he was hungry and he just wanted his mum._

_Finally, _finally_, his mother opened the door._

_Neville, his wails subsiding to hiccupping sobs as he saw him mum, reached out to her. His hands opened and closed as he requested to be picked up._

"_Hello," his mum said. "Who are you?"_

Neville stared straight ahead at the Dementor, paralyzed by his memory, as it drew closer and closer to Neville's face.

"Expecto Patronum!" yelled a voice from down the hall and a creature chased the Dementor away.

"Are you alright?" Professor Lupin asked and walked up to Neville, who looked like he was going to be quite sick.

Neville nodded, backing up and slouching against the castle wall. He felt incredibly faint. Professor Lupin, who was standing right next to him, sounded very far away and he was afraid he'd be sick if he opened his mouth.

Professor Lupin offered Neville some chocolate, which Neville waved away. His stomach turned at the idea of eating something and he was afraid he would actually be sick if he ate it.

"Go on, eat it," Professor Lupin urged, pushing the chocolate into Neville's hand.

Neville accepted the treat with great reluctance and sank down into a seated position against the wall. Slowly, he put the chocolate in his mouth and chewed. He started feeling increasingly better with each swallow of chocolate.

Professor Lupin sat down next to him with a slight grunt that Neville attributed to stiffness. While the Professor looked to be his parents' age, he definitely looked like he'd taken some damage. "How are you feeling?" he asked Neville.

"Much better now," Neville said, finishing the chocolate. "Thank you. For the chocolate and the saving."

"No trouble at all," Professor Lupin said. "I, for one, don't think Dementors have any place at school."

Neville hummed in agreement, his mind suddenly wandering back to the memory. "Dementors," he started slowly, "they make you remember your worst memory?"

"They feed off positive emotions and often make you relive your worst memory, yes," Professor Lupin explained.

"Oh," Neville said, looking down at his hands. His eyes began to well up with tears as he remembered his mother's last sane words to him: Be good.

He felt like a complete and utter failure. He hadn't been good. He was a constant disappointment to Gran and was always forgetting something and getting into trouble. He wondered if another Dementor was near and looked up, seeing none.

Tears ran down Neville's face.

Professor Lupin asked soothingly, "Neville, what's the matter?"

"I wasn't good," he sobbed quietly, wiping at his tears.

"Pardon?" Professor Lupin asked for clarification.

"My mother, the last thing she told me was 'be good,'" Neville explained. "And I haven't been. I'm an embarrassment to the Longbottom name. Gran always says so."

Professor Lupin regarded Neville for a moment, taking in his words. "Your parents are Frank and Alice, yes?"

Neville nodded with a sniffle, drying his eyes.

"I knew them a long time ago," Professor Lupin said. "They were good people, so talented with magic."

Neville looked at Professor Lupin, hoping he wouldn't hear another _They were so talented, and aurors too,_ speech, he got those enough from Gran.

"I believe they would be so proud if they were… here to see you," Professor Lupin continued and Neville knew he was trying to choose his words carefully. He smiled. "They would probably gush to anyone who listened how skillfully you handled to boggart in my class."

That had Neville laugh through his nose. His parents, who were talented Aurors in their time, gush about _him_.

"You laugh now," Professor Lupin said, starting to rise, "but I knew Alice and Frank. They would be so proud to call you their son." He stood straight up, a slight look of discomfort crossing his face. "You _are_ good, Neville." He walked back across the grounds.

Neville was shocked. No adult had ever said anything of the sort to him. Sure, Harry told him that he was worth twelve Malfoys but it wasn't the same. He felt a sort of lightness about him that some adult thought he was worthy of the Longbottom name.

* * *

Years later, when Harry taught them all the Patronus Charm under Professor Umbridge's nose to better prepare them for the _real_ world, Neville drew on the memory of Professor Lupin telling him he was good.

It wasn't enough for a full Patronus. It made a shield but that soon faded into the air. "Good start," praised Harry as he walked past, inspecting everyone's Patronuses. "Keep thinking of a happy memory. The happiest one you can think of."

Neville nodded, concentrating hard on remembering the feeling he had at Professor Lupin's words. He felt a surge of determination rise in his chest.

He was going to make his parents proud.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm not entirely happy with the ending, but I almost never am. I also absolutely love Neville Longbottom. I started wondering what the Dementors in Hogwarts would be like for him and this is what I came up with. Also, I just want him to be happy.

Reviews and concrit are always greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.


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